Into the Abyss

An old family friend got it right.  I don't like options, especially options with uncertainty attached.

I'm already bummed that I have to give up the rest of my precious summer of fun activities for this disease.  Now, I have to decide how I'm going to get back to doing these activities.  Yet, I have no idea how any of these options is going to turn out.  Perhaps it's uncertainty that I don't really like.

What to do?  I can go the route of no reconstruction.  What does that mean?  Living my life with one breast.  It's very hard to imagine.  Swimming, surfing, softball, basketball, etc., all my various weekly activities with just one.  But, all my muscles will be intact and I can get back to doing the things I love.

The other route isn't very cut and dry either.  My choices are to have my muscles (abdomen or back) cut and moved to my breast area, or have my existing pectoral muscle stretched over a few weeks.  I like my muscles, I use my muscles in all my activities.  But, I'll have two breasts.

Again, there are no guarantees in life.  And not know how long any of this is gonna take is driving me crazy.  With all my sports injuries I was always given a time frame of how long it would take to heal and when I could get back on the court, on the field, in the pool, etc.  But with this, there are no time frames.  There are still so many unanswered questions, will I have to do other treatments, will I get my strength back in my arm?  It's scary to thinking about what is ahead of me.

I have a lot to ponder before my next appointment.