Chemo Brain

After losing a little over a week to my chemotherapy treatment, I am slowly recognizing how much time is really lost.  All the pamphlets, websites, etc. talk about “chemo brain.” It seems like normal aging of the brain just amped up a bit combined with an advanced form of attention deficit disorder.  Woo hoo!!! Side effects include:  memory lapses (forgetting things that I normally know), can’t focus (insanely short attention span; “squirrel!”), “space out” (I’ll just sit on the couch and it’s like my brain is turned off (I’m not on any drugs) – I have know idea what is going on around me), trouble multi-tasking (can’t have more than one thinking path going at a time), slower thinking and processing, trouble remembering words, etc. (you get the idea).  For someone that usually has a lot going on at once, this is very frustrating.  I can barely get up and running each day as it is.  There really isn’t anything good about being sick.  I know that I am halfway through my treatments, but I am so over feeling like s#*t everyday, for whatever stupid side effect reason.  I so want my old life back, but it is becoming abundantly clear that this will not happen.  And, because of  “chemo brain” I can’t even begin to think about where to go from here.  I am trying my best to take everything day by day.  But it was very frustrating waking up today and realizing that it was the end of another month again and I have so many “normal” life obligations to take care of in the next five days.  All I want to do is go back to bed and wake up from this awful dream.