Chemo Brain

After losing a little over a week to my chemotherapy treatment, I am slowly recognizing how much time is really lost.  All the pamphlets, websites, etc. talk about “chemo brain.” It seems like normal aging of the brain just amped up a bit combined with an advanced form of attention deficit disorder.  Woo hoo!!! Side effects include:  memory lapses (forgetting things that I normally know), can’t focus (insanely short attention span; “squirrel!”), “space out” (I’ll just sit on the couch and it’s like my brain is turned off (I’m not on any drugs) – I have know idea what is going on around me), trouble multi-tasking (can’t have more than one thinking path going at a time), slower thinking and processing, trouble remembering words, etc. (you get the idea).  For someone that usually has a lot going on at once, this is very frustrating.  I can barely get up and running each day as it is.  There really isn’t anything good about being sick.  I know that I am halfway through my treatments, but I am so over feeling like s#*t everyday, for whatever stupid side effect reason.  I so want my old life back, but it is becoming abundantly clear that this will not happen.  And, because of  “chemo brain” I can’t even begin to think about where to go from here.  I am trying my best to take everything day by day.  But it was very frustrating waking up today and realizing that it was the end of another month again and I have so many “normal” life obligations to take care of in the next five days.  All I want to do is go back to bed and wake up from this awful dream.

Battle of the Side Effects

After a three-day battle of side effects, I am finally feeling better.  This round was not as bad as the first.  Still wasn’t a picnic, but managed to get through much better with new pain management plan.  The nuelasta decided to work its magic in my legs this time.  From my ankles all the way up to my thighs, both legs felt like they were broken.  A constant ache that lasted 24/7.  I spent three days in bed to keep my legs elevated to help alleviate the pain.  Started pain medication earlier to keep the pain in check.  Basically, it would knock me out so I wouldn’t notice the pain.  I slept a lot during the three days.  A lot.  I barely remember being awake.  Obviously needed the sleep.  The extra day of fluids and medication helped keep the nausea under control this time.  It was much more manageable than last time.  I didn’t get dehydrated and didn’t have the constant pain in my gut like last time.  It still sux, just happy that this time didn’t suck as bad as the last.

Round 2, day 3

Did not sleep very well last night, barely got four hours.  Tossed and turned a bunch, could not get comfortable.  It’s been hot all weekend, plus the side effects were slowly kicking in.  Hoping another day of anti-nausea meds and fluids will help.

Straight to the infusion room, no stop at the vampire, plus still have iv port in.  All plugged into Ethel, looking at taking a nice long nap today if possible while getting my fluids. 

Round 2, day 2

No stop today to see vampire and the cobra left the iv port in yesterday so no sticking me today.  Yay!!  Celebrating the little things.  Plus, I got the baseball game on my computer and college football on the television.  Almost like I’m at home doing my typical Saturday fall routine.  Only difference is I’m hooked up to Ethel getting fluids and anti-nausea meds.  Not too bad today, so far.  But, I do have to get the nasty Nuelasta shot before I go home.  The crappy part of the day, blah.

Day one, check

Got through day one pretty well.  After treatment, went home and napped.  Then, went out for a little walk in search of dinner.  Found a nice happy hour down the street.  Enjoyed some food and ginger ale, then walked back home.  Feeling pretty good, although I am heavily drugged.  And, now it’s bedtime.  Need my rest for day two.

Round 2 - blah

The beginning of a three-day set at the Samuel Oschin Cancer Center on the Cedars Sinai campus.  Whippee!!!

Stopped in to see my buddy “Paul the Vampire” first to have blood drawn.  He is a very good vampire,  I barely felt much, just a little prick, had to give him four vials today. Blah.  Next, off to the infusion center.  Today they have me in the short-term room (the long-term room is booked).  The cubicle is smaller, just a recliner and chair, not a lot of counter space for my stuff.  It does not have a bed, so I am quite bummed. I usually get knocked out by the drugs about and hour and a half into treatment.  Took a few minutes to calm down (I am not a fan of change).  Had a little Ativan to help me relax.  Wes, the cobra for the day came and stuck me with his fangs and inserted the IV.  This one is always worse than the vampire because they go further into the vein and it starts to spasm.  It takes about ten to fifteen minutes for the area to calm down.  Yay Ativan!!  Big Blah overall!! And, we are now up and running, hooked up to Ethel.  Now we wait about four hours for Ethel to drip meds into my system.  Good times!!  My little treatment buddies are here to give me something soft to hug and make me comfortable.  And, as always, entertain me!

Curious Shadow likes the blinking lights and the clicking sound.  And, of course the tubes.

Southpaw didn't want to be left out of the action.

Bye, bye hair

For the past four days the hair on the top of my head has been starting to thin out.  At first, it was a few noticeable strands in the shower while I washed my hair.  Next, a little bit more, again in the shower, plus some more while combing out afterwards.  Then, a few strands on my pillow when I woke up in the morning and even more in the shower that day.  Scratching my head.  Taking off my hat.  Basically any time I touched my head hair would come out.

Yep, I feel like I’m going crazy.  It is very weird running your hands through your hair and having noticeable little clumps in them.  Freaky!  So, I’m going to cut it all off.  Just like everything else about this experience, I’m a little anxious about doing it.  I know it is only temporary, but the idea of not having hair on my head is a little strange.  I am not a very big "hair" person, heck I didn't even start using a blow dryer until I was in my thirties.  I am just not sure I am ready to be hairless.  However, the idea of continually losing more and more hair everyday is even stranger.  So today is the day to say good-bye to my hair and try to embrace being bald.  Yay?!

It's Thursday, again

Another Thursday filled with medical appointments.

First stop today, physical therapy.  A nice little morning eye opener to start the day, “Lymphedema”.  Because they removed the eighteen lymph nodes during surgery, I was informed this morning that I am at stage one of lymphedema (the earliest of the three stages).  Now, I’m not sure if this is truly the first I am hearing about this because I was so out of it after surgery I don’t remember much of what the doctors told me.  Nonetheless, what I was told was quite annoying, adding to the how cancer is changing my life forever.  Anyway, lymphedema is the accumulation of protein-rich fluid in tissues because of inadequate lymphatic drainage (layman’s terms – missing lymph nodes = not all fluids processed properly in body).  So now I get to monitor fluid build up in my left hand and arm.  Yippee!!  I was shown two simple tests to look for signs of fluid build up.  One involves making a fist and looking at the hills and valleys of my knuckles.  If the valleys start to disappear that means I have fluid building in my hands.  Yippee!!  I also need to wear a compression sleeve and gauntlet on that arm/hand whenever I do any strenuous activity (i.e. all the sports I do except for swimming) to help prevent fluid build up - forever.  Yippee!!  This also explains why I cannot have my blood pressure taken on my left arm anymore (the high pressure focal compression can lead to excessive constriction if not properly used).  Plus, there is a whole list of precautionary things to be aware of (most involve not hurting my left arm/hand in any way, shape, or form).  Yippee!!  Then, we went over some exercises I could start doing to get back my range of motion.  Finally, something good coming out of this appointment.  I will get to have four to six more sessions to work on my range of motion.

Next, it was off to see the oncologist (of course first stopping by the vampire to give more blood).  Today, I am feeling much better than a week ago.  Almost all of my symptoms are gone and I feel close to normal.  We discussed the plan of action for my next round of chemotherapy, which will start in seven days.  He scheduled me in for three days at the cancer center this time.  Day one for chemo drugs, day two and three will be hydration and anti-nausea meds.  And, of course, my favorite, neulasta shot on day two.  The hope is that the second day of hydration and anti-nausea meds will help get a jump on the symptoms and get them under control before they get too out of hand like last time.  There was also a discussion about starting pain medication earlier to get them in my system before the pain from the neulasta shot gets out of control.  And, yes, I did discuss with him the possibility of using a medicinal herbal substance to help with the nausea symptoms.  Since insurance will only cover twelve nausea pills every thirty days, I wanted to have another option.  He of course could not “prescribe” anything for me, however was on board for trying anything to make me more comfortable this time around.

Then, went across the way to the breast center to have more fluid placed into my breast expander.  It had been three weeks since my last expansion.  I am slowly getting more feeling in my surgical area so there has been a little more discomfort the past week.  I have what feels like a hard bruise/bump at the top of the breast area.  The surgeon explained that I was feeling the upper part of the expander.  It is an unfortunate side effect of the process for reconstruction and as the nerve endings start to have more sensation I will feel more of the expander.  Oh, yay!  And, with more feeling means that the poke into the portal is more prominent and so is the fluid going in.  yay…

Five and a half hours of doctor appointments, time for a nap.

Finally

It took longer than expected, but the side effects have mostly subsided.  I finally feel almost normal.  I still have low energy, but have been able to sleep the past couple of nights the whole night.  I still have a small appetite and need to watch what I eat to keep my upset stomach under control.  Slowly introducing a little more variety into my diet each day.  One can only handle bland, boring foods for so long.  I miss all my yummy foods!!  With that being said, I will attempt to go about my life as normal as possible for the next twelve days before it all starts over again. 

So, not looking forward to doing this again.  From this past experience, putting together a game plan to stay ahead of as many side effects as possible.  It’s always nice to have a game plan, even if it gets thrown out at game time.