Looking Forward

It has been a long, grueling past seven months.  I am so happy to be stepping out of 2012.

There had been many a day I was not sure if I had the strength to fight on.  But, I think about the tens of thousands of people who have gone through this fight before me and the tens of thousands that will sadly have to go through this after me.  And, I push on.  It is an unfortunate circumstance of my life, but it did not and does not mean I will let it keep me down.

I have been very fortunate to be surrounded by family and friends on this journey.  If it were not for all of their love and support I do not think I would have made it this far, this fast.  Thank you.

There is still much to do.  Another surgery, for one.  Many more shots for the drug trial.  Yearly scans/tests/mammograms/echograms.  Waves to catch.  Balls to hit.  Games to play.  Trips to take.  Much, much more...

And, hair.  Slowly coming in.  Still super soft!!  (take that Shadow, hee hee)

A little positive light to take into the New Year!

Glutton for punishment

Today is the official start of the drug trial and I must be a glutton for punishment.

I am escorted up to the research section again by the nurse in charge of the drug trial.  It is quiet today, no one else is around.  The nurse draws my blood this time.  She misses on her first attempt (argh!) and has to try again.  I pee in a cup again.  One of the doctors on the research team gives me a quick once over - I guess to confirm I  haven't caught any illnesses in the last few days.  We enter the data into the computer and then head down to the infusion center.  It takes the pharmacist about a half an hour to prepare the injections (they need to be thawed).  So we wait.

Waiting sucks.  All I can think about is the pain from the shots two days ago and today I get four at full dose.  Blah.

It is finally time.  These shots are going into my right thigh.  There are two nurses now.  One to hold my leg still and the other to do the injections.  The nurse sprays the area with a topical antiseptic to numb it.  And the first shot goes in.  The pain from this shot is off the charts!!! This is so not fun!!!  The antiseptic takes away the initial sting of needle going in, but the fluid that follows hurts - 10 on the scale hurt.  I get a couple of minutes to regroup and they do the second one.  This one is two inches off to the side and does not hurt as much, maybe only a 7.5.  Again, I get a couple of minutes to regroup.  The third does in two inches below the first on the top side of my thigh.  A little less pain than the second.  Regroup.  And finally, the last.  This one goes two inches off the side from the third, and it hurts!!!  Almost as bad as the first.  Argh!!!  Damn cancer!!!

Now that the torture session is over, I have to be monitored for an hour before I can go home.  So I lay back in the recliner and watch tv on my smart phone.  The hour passes, they take my vitals.  All is good, no allergic reaction.  I get to go home.  Yay.

I have to monitor the injection site for the next 72 hours for any anomalies.

Unsuccessful expansion

The pain today was too much.  After all these months and all the needles, I finally had a poke that I could not tolerate.

What was to be a routine visit to the Breast Center for an expansion didn't turn out so well.  Who knows why my body decided today was a no.  The doctor thinks that the port was under a nerve that had just woken up.  Maybe.  Maybe the last week of poking and scans finally caught up with my body and mind.  Maybe the frustration of the everything has reached its limit.  I have no idea.

I do know that when the doctor put the needle in the port the pain was more than I could stand.  She took it out, gave me a few minutes to regroup and tried again.  Again, the pain was too much.  She took out the needle and gave me a little more time to regroup.  For what ever reason, my body was not having it today.  I did not want another attempt.  It was just too much for me today.  So no expansion today.

We discussed taking some Ativan and maybe Tylenol for next week to help me get through the expansion.  Each week I get more feeling and it is only going to get more sensitive as time continues to move forward.  I am a little dejected.  I want so bad to be finished with the reconstruction.  I want to get back to my activities.  I am tired of sitting on the sidelines watching.  So, we shall see what happens next week.

Part two of next phase

Today I get "test" shots for the research drug trial I am participating in.  They are testing for possible hypersensitivity to the study drug (allergic reaction).

As per usual, have to stop by the vampire station to have blood drawn.  I also have to do urine tests for the drug trial.  There really isn't a dignified way to pee in a cup, is there?

I meet with my oncologist to discuss how I am doing, side effects and all.  My blood work is finally back to normal, all the levels are good.  The hives/itchiness are not as prominent these days, which is nice.  The water pill is working nicely, much of the bloating in my face and arms has gone down.  Still have some in the abdominal area, but it is a bit more comfortable than before.  Still only have one pair of jeans that fit though.  I have some fluid build up in my hand from the lymphedema that does not seem to be going down.  The doctor is going to give me a referral for physical therapy.  

This lymphedema thing really sucks!!!  I do my exercises everyday.  But, it only takes a little stress to activate it.  I'm still trying to find the appropriate recovery time for using my left arm/hand.  Even doing simple chores like washing dishes seems to lead to some swelling.  Very frustrating!!!

Next stop today, I get to go upstairs to the research facility.  It's a secure part of the Cedars Cancer Center that you have to be escorted in and out of.  Serious business.  

And, now the fun begins.  More needles.  Blah.  Today I am getting two shots.  A small dose of the study drug in one and a control shot of saline in the other.  These are to be administered into my left thigh.  Oh, Yay!!!  When I initially agreed to this I don't think I had ever had a shot in my thigh.  Not really pleasant.  Nope, not at all.  And these were only small doses.  Can't wait til I get the real ones.  Not!!  

Really... Argh!!

So the vampires screwed up my blood draw from two days ago.  Had to make a trip to the Cancer Center at Cedars to get poked.  BLAH!!!

Day two of physical scans

After a long day yesterday, back for more, bright and early at the Cedars Campus.

First up, check in 8:00am for the bone scan.  A nice shot of radioactive material to start the day.  Yay!!  I don't think my right arm will ever get used to all the poking.  Thank goodness for Southpaw.  He is with me for every needle poke.  Although, if he could feel, he would be pretty darn tired of me squeezing the life out of him every time I get poked.  Again, it takes some time for the lovely chemicals to travel through my body so I am off to the Breast Center to get an expansion done.

Another needle, oh yay.  The expansion went well.  Painful stick into the port again.  I was able to tolerate about 50ml of fluid this week before my pectoral muscle felt like it was gonna pop out.  I take a minute to compose myself and then walk back across the street to the Imaging Center for my bone scan.  Bone scans are easy, you just lay still on a cold slab while a giant machine slowly moves across your body.  No more needles involved.  But, the room is very cold, so they layer me up with a couple of blankets.

After my bone scan, I grab a sandwich and then head back over to the Breast Center again.  This time for a mammogram on my right breast.  At least there aren't any needles involved!!  Although, getting your boob smooshed by a cold machine isn't much of a picnic either.

A little shorter day than yesterday, I am done by 2pm.  Exhausted though, so home I go to rest.

The Next Phase

The next phase of my cancer treatment begins.  Tamoxifen.  This is the daily pill I will be taking for the next five years.  My cancer was a hormone positive type and this drug will block estrogen production in my body.  Common side effects are hot flashes, nausea, fatigue, mood swings, hair thinning - basically the same as my chemotherapy just not as intense.  Oh, yeah!  But, I may or may not have them so we shall see.  And, I still have a couple of lingering side effects from the chemotherapy - the hives/rash are still with me, although they are starting to taper down a bit.  The doctor did finally prescribe a "water pill" to help with the bloating - YAY!!!  The doctor also informed me that I qualify for the drug trial.  So that will begin next week.

And, my hair is starting to come back.  It is soooo soft, just like Shadow's fur.

Today is a busy day as well.  Aside from my routine oncologist visit, I have scheduled an echocardiogram and CT scans of chest, abdomen, and pelvis.  These are part of the yearly physical exams I will have for at least the next five years.

CT scans = yummy smoothy and IV in arm.  Let the fun begin.

Radioactive Smoothy

IV for CT scans, the nurse that put this one in was not very good :(

After a painful IV placement off to the waiting room.  It takes the smoothy a couple of hours to travel through my body, so trying to get comfortable and watch netflix on my computer.

Started my day at the Cedars campus at 8:30 this morning, finished at 6:15pm.  Needless to say, very tired.  Now to go home and regroup for more tests and doctor visits tomorrow.

The Return to Expansion

Had my first expansion since September.  We took a little break because my chemotherapy treatments were taxing enough on my body.

The doctor informed me that we are about half way with the expansion process.  They think that I need about five more expansions before I will be ready to swap out for the actual implant.  In the time that has passed, I have regained more feeling in my breast tissue.  There is definitely pain when they stick the needle in the port.  They put about 60ml of saline into the expander today.  I can feel the expander push on my pectoral muscle more now too.

Expansion Needle

Expansion Supplies

Good times!!  From one torture device to another.  Seems that my life is all about the needles and will be for some time.

Follow Up

Just another day at the Cancer Center, stop by the vampire lair (check), have vitals taken (check), see the doctor (check).

The hives are still crazy.  All over my body, different spots each day.  So annoying.  Plus the benadryl has kept me in a fog these past three weeks.  I just don't feel myself yet and it's been six weeks since my last chemo treatment.  I'm all bloated still, the itchy hives are driving me nuts.  Argh!!!  When will it end?  The doctor is switching me to Claritin and Zantac for the hives.  We shall see if this helps.

Red hives on my arm.

Swelling and hives.

I also decided to have them do the blood test to see if I qualify for the research drug trial.  It seems to be one more safeguard to preventing the breast cancer from coming back.  And, for all the crap I have been through these past six months, I am all for keeping it away if possible.  Thus, there are really no guarantees in life, but I want to know that I gave it my all, 110%.

Leave it on the field, as they say.

First use of my arm

Had the opportunity to not "baby" my arm  today.  Went to the driving range and hit some balls.  It was nice to get out and do something again.  I wore my compression arm sleeve as directed.  It felt good while I was out.  About five hours after, my hand started to show signs of fluid build up.  So, on went the gauntlet.

Fashionable Gauntlet - all the rage

This will be interesting.  I wonder how long it will be swollen.  How big will it get?  So far it is not too swollen.  This is good.