Slowly coming out of the chemo haze. It doesn't get any easier no matter how many sessions you have under your belt. It's very annoying only being able to lay around and do nothing. I can't really even get invested in a movie or television show because my mind is in a fog and the pain in my legs is quite the distraction. Yes, it defied my odds making and the pain went back to my legs. This time it attacked the entire leg from pelvis to ankle. It is an annoying ache that just won't go away. There are moments of pain spike that are oh, so much fun, too.
I am just a giant blob either parked on the couch or in my bed. I have to force myself to eat. I have no appetite and my mouth feels like it is covered in chalky plaster. My taste buds are all out of wack. After about two bites of any food or drink, my mouth turns the plaster into goo and eating is no longer a pleasant experience it is only a necessity to keep me alive. It is a horrible chore that I have difficulty with. I actually despise the idea of eating right now. My digestive system is paying the price when I don't get enough nutrients in my body. But, surprisingly I have not lost any weight. My body is retaining a lot of water right now, which is also uncomfortable. Adds to the whole blob image. Then there is the wobbly legs to also add to the image. A simple little walk around the neighborhood wipes me out. My legs feel like jello, weak and unsteady. They feel like they can give out at any moment. I always felt my legs were the strongest part of my body, where I carry my most muscle mass. It is disturbing to feel them so weak and unstable. And, the HOT flashes!!! In an instant my body will go from normal to insanely hot. It is freaky. Especially when I am trying to sleep, being waken up by the hot flash is like being dropped into a volcano.
I am so over being sick. It sucks big time and I don't know how other people deal with it, but it is driving me crazy. I can't wait to have my life back to normal.
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