Oh What a Feeling

My fellow athletes will understand this one.  In tonight's softball game I made one awesome play.  The kind of play that creates this oh so special euphoria which is the reason why we continue to play our sports.  I was playing my position, second base.  It was the first inning, the bases were loaded (guys and girls), and there was one out.  A guy is up to bat, he takes a swing, ball is coming toward me - line drive.  It looks as if it might go over my head and that is what everyone is thinking.  I reach up, time my jump perfectly, and snatch the ball out of the air.  I turn around and fire the ball towards second base to double up the runner (who had no idea what happened, he was on third by then) to end the inning.  This is the kind of play that athletes live for.  I could not get the smile off my face the rest of the night.

This is a feeling that I was not sure I would ever feel again because of all I have been through this year. I was not sure I would be able to play at a level where I could feel this way again.  This was very significant for me.  It made me forget for a brief second that I am a cancer patient.  I was just me playing a game that I love to play and being successful.  Can't ask for anything more.

Good Heart

Spoke with the cardiologist on the phone today to get the results from the blood test and chest x-ray.  He was quite impressed with the results of the blood test.  He told me he does not normally see results this good in his patients.  My BNP levels came back at 10 - which on the scale is excellent.  (The scale says anything below 100 indicates no heart failure).  This makes me feel real good.  Then, he tells me that the chest x-ray came back clean for any fluid.  This is also great news.  He explains that the echocardiogram is not a good read for fluid (false positives) that is why they do the chest x-ray.  He reiterates that I just need to take my time getting back my strength and stamina for my activities.

Happy to have a healthy heart and grateful for not having to add anymore procedures on this journey!

Stupid Chemo Brain

First order of business this morning, call and make my appointment to get the chest x-ray for hopefully later this morning.  It is 8am and I am able to make an appointment for 10:15 this morning.  I get myself ready and head on out to the Cedars campus.  I arrive about 9:45am and find my way to the imaging pavilion.  I walk up to the information desk, they greet me, and ask, "How may I help you?"  My mind goes completely blank.  I have forgotten why I am here.  I take a moment to think.  She asks me to right my name down on a piece of paper and she will help me.  As I am writing my name, I remember I am there for a chest x-ray and tell her.  She looks me up in the computer and directs me to go into the room directly behind her and someone will help me.  I thank her and walk the thirty or so steps into the next room and approach the check-in desk.  Again, I get greeted and she asks, "How may I help you?"  Once again, my mind goes completely blank!  Argh!!  A freakin' minute passes and I forget why I am there!!  Just another reminder that I may not look like I have been fighting cancer this past year but my body is telling me otherwise.  Blah!!  She asks me if I have my orders with me.  This sparks my memory, when I called this morning they said that the orders were in the computer and I did not have to bring the paper with me.  This helps me remember that I am there for a chest x-ray.  So frustrating this chemo brain crap!

Heart to heart

I am becoming an expert in echocardiograms, this will be number six since December.  As the technician walks me to the room, he asks me why I am having an echocardiogram, "You don't look like you need one."  This is a great compliment.  Despite all that has happened in the last year, I look just as healthy as I did before this journey began.  I must be doing something right.  I at least look the part of a healthy person.  However, I still don't feel the part, thus this trip again down the hallway to the echocardiogram room and a visit with the cardiologist.

After my echocardiogram, they put me into an exam room and I wait for the cardiologist.  The nurse and his resident come in and take all my new patient information.  We discuss once again all the activities I used to do before I got sick.  I tell them that I have never had any problems breathing or other heart issues while doing physical activities or while sleeping.  Then we discuss how I have been doing the last couple of months since I got the okay to start doing physical activities again.  I tell them that I have been slowly working on getting back my exercise routine.  My main concern is the shortness of breath that I get, not only when I am doing exercise but also walking up the flight of stairs to get into my house.  I told them about the inadvertent triple I hit in last week's softball game (my plan was just a simple single up the middle).  By the time I got to third I was quite winded and had someone come in to run for me.  It took about five minutes for me to "catch my breath."  The cardiologist joins us and we talk about what is going on with the echocardiograms.  We discussed the variances of the previous echos and the concern my oncologist was having with all that I have been through the past year and wanting to make sure that there was not any damage to my heart.  He said today's echo looked very good.  He explains that the differences in readings could possibly be from the different technicians.  He did say that he saw a little fluid on my lung and that might be the reason for the shortness of breath.  He orders a chest x-ray (two views; frontal and lateral) to give us a better idea of how much fluid is there.  This will determine if further action is needed.  He also tells me that because of all that I have been through, my body is just taking longer to fully recover.  My body has been through the ringer this past year and I just have to be patient (there's that word again).  He advised me to try and do activities in which I can be in control of how much exertion I put out i.e. run to first, not to third.  He also wants to order a blood test (B-type natriuretic peptide) to confirm the findings in the echocardiogram.

They give me my paperwork and send me on my way.  It is the end of the day so I only have time to get over to the lab for the blood work.  I have to schedule the x-ray in the morning.  I walk over to the South Tower laboratory with my orders and Southpaw in hand.  This is not my usual vampire lair, so no Vampire Paul today.  The vampire that I get is pleasant, but her needle stick sucked ass, she pushed it in further than I have experienced and re-adjusted pulling out a bit, then pushed in again - jeez!!!  All for just one tube (with all that effort, kinda wished she would have taken more).  She was nice though, made a little comment about how I could stop squeezing Southpaw now that he has turned green.  She bandages me up and sends me on my way.

Good-bye Hal, Part Deux

A little morning surf;
A little work;
A little happy hour;
Sure beats being in a hospital bed in unimaginable pain barely able to breathe.
Good-bye Hal - the anniversary!!

One year ago today, Hal was expelled from my body.  Although my journey is not quite over, I still cannot believe all that has happened thus far.  It has been a crazy journey filled with many challenges.  My body and mind were tested everyday.  I am so happy to have made it to this milestone in my journey.

I started off today on the water surfing.  It was my first day back in the line-up and it felt good.  I missed the zen of the waves rolling under my board.  My session was cut short by the lymphedema in my arm.  About thirty minutes into it, my arm started to get that feeling; the one that lets me know that the fluid is starting to build up.  If you have ever sprained your ankle and you feel the area swelling, well it is kind of like that with a bit more intensity.  This time it ran from my shoulder blade area all the way down to my hand.  So, I had to get out of the water sooner than I wanted.  I was bummed because I was having such a good time, but I realized that is was only the first of many more days on the water to come and it was best to be safe than sorry.  I cleaned up and then wore my sleeve and gauntlet for the rest of the day and it kept the lymphedema in check.

After a little time at work, off to happy hour with some friends to toast the one year anniversary of Hal's vanquishing.  One thing I have come to learn this past year is that every day is a small victory and should be celebrated in some way.  I am again reminded how wonderful a support group I have that helps me get through each day.

V for Victory!

Celebrating Life

Last year at this time I was anxiously celebrating the end of a chapter of my life with a few close friends and family.  I had no idea what was in store for me.  This past year has been quite a journey.  Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined all that has happened.  I am very grateful for all the support of my family and friends.  I would not have made it this far without their kindness and generosity.  As the anniversary of vanquishing Hal approaches it is time for celebration.

A small little gathering of close friends to help me commemorate surviving this past year the only way I know: yummy food, beach at sunset, and lots of laughter!!!

Southpaw, Shadow, and Lil Rey help with the food preparation.  The grill was working overtime.

The Gang as Sous Chefs

 After a nice feast of barbecue we headed down to the beach to enjoy a beautiful sunset and fun games.

Beach time fun!

Bubbles at sunset.

 Capping off wonderful night of food and fun at the beach with some ice cream!

Chocolate Addiction Milkshake